Guest-list Drama: Who's In and Who's Out?

Here are some tips on cutting the guest list and managing those difficult decisions about who receives an invite and who misses out.

Much is made of the difficulties of managing the guest list for a wedding, but until the time comes to send out the invitations, and couples are faced with the situation themselves, it is difficult to wholly understand the politics and logistics involved. So often couples start out with a number in mind, and before they've even made it all the way through the bride's side they've gone well above and beyond that number. Guest list management can often require ruthlessness--which is hard to cultivate when there are a hundred other items on the 'to-do' list. Here are some tips on cutting the guest list and managing those difficult decisions about who receives an invite and who misses out.

Trimming the List

When you've decided on a wedding of 80 people and your list is already at 150, you have a problem. You need to significantly reduce the list, but crossing those names off is so difficult when you're in the planning stages. If you find it difficult to decide between guests, enlist the help of someone who is more ruthless than you are--it will make the process much easier and help assuage the guilt associated. In terms of who to trim from the list, the decisions can become complicated, so couples should remember that it is ultimately down to who they really want to be there to share their special day. Having said this, a lot of brides and grooms have help from their parents with the cost of the wedding, so it is fair to allow them some say in who they want to receive an invite. If you have a large family and need to decide between some members, why not consider only inviting the eldest cousin in every family--or perhaps only inviting your parents' siblings rather than their children (and in some cases their children's children). Another way to shorten the list is to cancel out 'plus ones'. A common practice in America, Australian weddings are starting to include the option to bring a date on the invitation. If the person you are inviting is single but will know a large number of other guests, it is entirely acceptable not to invite them 'plus one', as long as you ensure they are seated with friends and will not feel uncomfortable as a result.

Letting People Know Gently But Firmly

The other thing couples often don't realise about organising a wedding and managing a guest list is that often people can be quite presumptuous, and without even realising may insinuate they expect to be invited. You don't have to let yourself be bullied or railroaded into decisions about invitations--people are not trying to be rude, but they probably have no idea of the stress associated with weddings. The same goes for people who ask if they can bring their child/friend/date when they were not on the invitation--it puts you in an uncomfortable position, but a simple "as much as I would love to be able to say yes, we've had to be quite structured with the guest list" will do perfectly. You can even add that you'd love to catch up for a celebratory drink with them following the wedding day if they'd like, so as not to make them feel you don't want them involved.

Deciding on guest lists for weddings is not always a comfortable task, but it is a necessary one and in spite of how difficult it feels at the time, rest assured that once it is done you can focus on much more enjoyable activities.