Tips for bridesmaids

Been asked to be a bridesmaid? Find out about your role in the wedding preparations with this guide

Your role

As bridesmaid, it is your job to support the bride as she plans her wedding and help with the preparations. Your support and help will come in many forms; emotional, financial, logistical, and occasionally psychological. It’s your responsibility to be there through every stage of the process, making sure it is enjoyable, not stressful. Some brides will not ask for help, or may seem like they are coping fine, but almost every bride will need a hand at some point. If your bride hasn’t given you a particular role, ask if you can help with specific tasks, such as finding shoes or accessories for the bridesmaids, making confirmation phone calls to suppliers, or booking beauty treatments such as facials, pedicures and manicures.

Traditionally bridesmaids pay for their entire outfit – the dress, shoes, and accessories – and on occasion the hair and make up also. But many brides and mothers of the bride are now offering to pay for the bridesmaids’ hair and makeup, so you may not have to. If you’re unsure, don’t be afraid to ask – it is far better to clarify this early on to avoid embarrassment, confusion, and financial strain later.

Events

Along with the other bridesmaids, you should plan, organise and host the bridal shower and/or hen’s night. This may involve finding, booking and/or decorating a venue, organising catering and drinks, sending invitations, and planning activities such as fun games or outings. Be sure to ask the bride who she would like to have at her event to make sure no-one is missed, and keep a list of who brings which presents on the day so that you can help the bride write her thankyou notes later.

On the day

Regardless of how carefully you prepare, the unexpected can always occur. Go through a series of scenarios and contingency plans with the other bridesmaids (and the bride if she’s calm) the night before so everyone is clear what they will do if it rains, wine is spilt on the dress, or a drunken uncle attempts to make a speech. In the latter case, it might be a good idea to get the groomsmen in on the plan! Whatever happens, stay calm, and help your bride.

It will be an extremely emotional day, so provide support for your bride when she needs it.  Pre-wedding jitters are not necessarily a sign of cold feet – it could just be nervous excitement – so don’t smother your bride if she’s a bit nervy; she might just need a little space for a moment. But do encourage her not to hesitate to ask you to help her with something, however small.

Get the party started

While it’s easy to chat to people you know at the engagement party or bridal shower, try to mingle and get to know the couple’s wider family and friends. A wedding is about two families (and groups of friends) coming together, so there will be many people that don’t know each other – if you can introduce them and make people feel welcome and comfortable on the day, it will make the festivities even more enjoyable for everyone. After the ceremony and during the reception, encourage guests to write a note in the guest book. The couple will be so grateful when they realise no one has been left out.

When the music starts, get on the dance floor. Many people are too shy to get up and dance until there is a large group of people, so the sooner you get out there and start enjoying yourself, the sooner people will join you.

Always keep an eye on the bride’s glass – she should have a drink handy every time she reaches for one. If you notice the water jug or wine bottle nearest her is empty, quietly let the wait-staff know as soon as possible. If the reception is a standing or cocktail celebration, be sure to make regular trips to the bar or flag down wait-staff when necessary – the bride shouldn’t have to interrupt her conversation to find a drink.

When the night is over

There are many ways you can show your support even after the event is over. If it hasn’t already been organised, take her gown to the dry cleaners after the wedding and have it preserved and hanging somewhere safe for when she returns.  While you’re at the house, check the fridge and pantry. A few days before the couple return from their honeymoon round up the other bridesmaids (and the groomsmen if you can) for a trip to the supermarket – if you all chip in you’ll be able to fill their fridge and cupboards with food and they won’t have to go shopping when they get home. Remember to get a few things they can serve to guests, as many people will no doubt be dropping by to see the couple when they get home. Cheese, crackers, nuts and nice biscuits are all good options, and make sure they have tea, coffee, sugar, and milk.